Snap Shot!

Anyway. So here I am now. I live in St. Louis , Missouri, which may be very difficult for me to relate to you, living in another world, you'd just have to come see it. Very different from Wien, from Moscow. Nevertheless I am enjoying my time most of the time and definitely have a job if not a purpose.

I feel I have grown and matured, yet sometimes I still get very worried and confused about my future. My memories of life in Europe and Russia haunt me, and though I smile when they come, they also stir me. I fell I can never be certain about what place in the world is right for me... I always think of other possibilities. What if I stayed in Wien? What if I did actually go back to live there a year after as I planned?

And then the realistic side comes in- "Well you are doing really well here. You have experience, you have a business. You know people. You have opportunities. Here. Not there."

Do you feel this way too? Or do you have it figured out? Do you feel that people in Europe have a different mentality? Because sometimes I feel that I am running in a hamster wheel trying to do better for myself.

You see, I was raised in a very capitalistically inclined family and society. With no rules at the time. I was told what I cost and that I need to do better. You must accomplish to live well and proud. Otherwise you are a loser.

And then just a few days ago, as I am asking myself questions I run into this:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/8347409.stm
And this
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=CNG.69105fc6eae7b98bc224a2a77ee79cd8.4c1&show_article=1

So how do you feel? What do you think about it all... the meaning?

Things that make me happy - my friends, my work, good drinks and music and as always dreaming of possibilities.

I did learn this about myself - I am a dreamer. That's what I live by. Always thinking of the "what could be's". Some say it's silly. And yet, that's the only way I know how to be, and the only thing that really keeps me going.