Starting with the very first stage and until the day you part, it seems to me that in similar strategies and situations apply to management and execution of both relationships- the relationship with your "significant other" and the relationship with the company of employment.
In the beginning...
You have mutual interest. You gather more information, and if you are still even a little interested you want to get their attention and get them to like you. In turn, they are doing the same.
Moving on...
You have established a relationship. Both parties have certain expectations and desires. Hopefully they will be able to not just satisfy but also communicate with, challenge, and inspire each other.
There can also be power struggles.
I remember having trouble dating certain men because they think I am too alpha sometimes. Not girly enough, not that I'm not feminine, no...just too much of a strong, independent character. I know I am not the only one,
my mom's good friend is a very talented and knowledgeable lawyer. The boss ( a younger guy) in one of the companies she interviewed for said that although he loved her work, he didn't feel comfortable hiring her because he “felt the need to stand up every time she walked into the room, and simply didn't feel right giving her any kinds of orders or directions” because he had too much respect for her. Makes sense, having an intimidatingly good employee can undermine the confidence of a boss...some people must be alpha based on the position they are in.
Clearly, this happens often in relationships. Someone wants to be the leader. And if it is both people, there can be trouble and all kinds of drama.
Seriously, how is this not the same as a relationship or trying to date someone?
You probably don't want to have high hopes or get emotionally involved. A good strategy is probably to hope for the best but plan for the worst.
I must admit, i did make just that mistake...got emotionally involved, and definitely had high expectations... (Two things that I no longer usually allow myself in romance.) I fell for it with work. Silly me. But yes, I thought we had an understanding, I thought I could make them feel a certain way so that they would not be able to give me up. I thought if I worked hard enough and harder, and if I really put myself out there, they would never want to let me go. Well, that's when miscommunication occurred.
I thought I had a real chance, I even thought I almost have an offer. Just like in a romantically natured relationship, one may think that his/her partner is also “there”, ready to be exclusive or something along those lines. Commitment and all.
And instead I got the “thanks, but no thanks” e-mail aka break up letter. This clearly pissed me off, because I thought that since we had such a great relationship (it really was), they could at least give me the respect of an actual conversation. “Look, I know this is hard, and I really care for you too, but I just don't think this will work out. Here is why...bla bla bla...very sorry, and best of luck to you”. But instead, just an e-mailed “thanks but no thanks” .
I was crushed....well, maybe not crushed, but upset. Just like after a break up with one that you even barely cared for, your ego steps in. you are furious and frustrated, images of your object of desire, flirting and romancing someone else, flashbacks to all your now broken dreams. Thinking of them interviewing others with a big smile, of not being able to see my new friends again.
After a bit of time and venting. After some sleep and a perhaps a drink, emotions start to step away and reality comes in. Of course this happened. And probably for the best. Yes, you are a bit hurt and will probably become just a little bit more of a disillusioned cynic. But, "that's the way the cookie crumbles" this is how people grow up, we live, learn and become a little bit harder and hopefully smarter each day.
Then finally of course, you realize that this is a natural flow of things, and just because you are no longer together does not mean you did not have a good experience. In fact, you learn a lot, about relationship dynamics, about yourself, the industry and such. Besides, as they "there are many fish in the sea", and I am certain we will "stay friends".
We move on. Go on interviews, go on dates. Live. Enjoy.
Right from the introduction, the dynamics of these relationships are strikingly similar. And to me, looking at it this way allows for yet another perspective I suppose.
1 comment:
aw, I'm sorry something jobby fell through for you. but I think you're totally right about the similarities -- when I was leaving my last job at HR Solutions, I kept comparing it to breaking up with LeRoy, since it had the same "we had a good run, but now it's time for me to go" feeling about it.
as I get older, it's very interesting to realize how many intrapersonal interactions just boil down to "how honest are we being with ourselves & each other?" & with both relationships & work stuff, the trickiest situations are when you've let yourself get your hopes up (even if you're denying that to yourself), only to have them crushed.
but, you know, you're you. so I'm sure it's only a matter of time before you've moved on to something even more fabulous. :)
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